Wednesday, 19 June 2013

The Pine Cone Dilemma

While we were golfing in Shallotte, North Carolina we came across some very interesting critters, not the least of which was a pine cone the size of a football. I decided to bring it home with me. The Canadian border agent had other ideas. She saw it in the back of the car, said we had to do a U-turn back to the US and toss it into the woods before we could enter Canada.

The US border agent's deadpan response when we explained why we needed access to his country for 3 seconds was, "Pine cones fall from trees." I think his between the lines message was "What the fuck, you crazy-ass Canucks!" He suggested we toss it in a garbage can at the Duty Free. We did.

Back at the Canadian border less than 5 minutes after our first attempt at re-entry, the previously ornery agent greeted us with a smile and a, "Well, hello again!" We told her what we did. She let us enter Canada safe in the knowledge that she had protected our country from the dreaded North Carolina pine cone of death.

To those of you who have collected bags full of pine cones and brought them home to use for Christmas crafts or other sundry purposes, you should be ashamed that you released pine cones on innocent citizens. Now Canada is only safe for Americans who know how to handle this horrific threat to life and limb. I think I'll go buy a gun. But what will I use for target practice?

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